i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
