just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So squirting runs in the family.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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