Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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