I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
