my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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