It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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