Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
