just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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