I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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