We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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