Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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