She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
