Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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