Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
