Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
