I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
