Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
