Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
