I love black thongs
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
