I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
