I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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