Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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