I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
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Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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