I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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