I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
