Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
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A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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