So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
