PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
