Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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