We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
