soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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