I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
