You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
