Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
