She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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