you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
