I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
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He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
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i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.