my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS