a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.