no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
