She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?