This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"