mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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