Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
