smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
