So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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