I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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