Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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