She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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