Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
