Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
