dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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