Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
