YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
