I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
