I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
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wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i out mim tonsoeep
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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