My hand turned me down
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
