Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
