my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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