dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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