I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
