We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
