OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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