Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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