I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
