The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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