sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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