dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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