just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
