We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
