Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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