you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
