so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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