So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
