You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
