I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize