I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
